Alone is not a dirty word.

Basically, I hate being alone. And recently, I find myself going solo a lot. And I figure that if I am going to be alone a lot, I need to get used it. I would like to eventually LIKE being alone, if that's possible.

...is that possible?

Last night, I was laying in bed, and was thinking about relationships. Like the VERY beginning of a relationship, when both people are trying to figure out what the other likes to do, and you spend time with that person doing things that you would not have done on your own. Eventually (in most cases), you end up liking those same things. Maybe you end up hiking or biking or LARP-ing. I think the point is that you would not have known what you were missing out on if you would have never met that person. Even relationships that don't make it have this one plus: you normally come out a more interesting person.

Here's the thing though. I don't want to have to wait for another person to figure out what I like. I have done that my entire life. I tend to look like/sound like/have the same ideas as the person I am spending the most time with. This does not just go for romantic relationships, either. I am a sponge when it comes to friendships. You know that girl that got her hair cut just like you in the third grade and wore the same kitty cat applique sweatshirt with the puffy paint? Yeah, that was me. And even though I (regretfully) wear far less puffy paint these days, I still desire to be liked so much that I have somewhere along the way forgotten to develop my own interests. Not that I blend into a crowd. I would not say that about myself. And I genuinely like the things I say I like. There are just days that I feel like there is not an original thought in my head.

These words are extremely uncomfortable for me to type ( I just had to take a 10 minute break that included one cigarette and two trips to the bathroom).

I need to figure myself out before I can ever let someone else give it a shot. I am going to try new things this year. What better year for it, anyway?

So, what's first? It is winter. So maybe a winter-time activity? What are winter time activities, anyway? I don't have a lot of money to spend on sporty stuff. I do have a good pair of running shoes and some warm pants or whatever. Maybe I could try running this month. It might be a good way to think of the other activities that I want to do when I actually feel like being outside without moving at supersonic speed. Here's a rough draft of the things that I want to try:

-Knitting
-Kayaking
-Fishing
-Rock Climbing
-Jazz Music (listening, not playing)
-Guitar
-Kickboxing
-LARPing (I mentioned it earlier for a reason)

And here are the rules. First of all, I can change my mind. And if I don't like something, I am not going to pretend like I do. Second, I can't take anyone with me on these adventures (does knitting count as an adventure?). If I meet people while doing these activities, that's cool. The point is not to isolate myself, it's to broaden my horizons to new things that I would not try without a bit of prodding. Only this time, it's self prodding (Note to my dear friends: thanks for the understanding, I love you guys).

January is running month. From January 13th to February 13th 2011, that's going to be my activity. When I am bored, I will run. A little Forrest Gump action never hurt anyone, right? Here goes nothing.