Breakin' Up is hard to Doooooooo-ooo

I recently met this girl who is going through a very drawn out break up. She is completely losing her mind over it. She has posted on social networks pleas for his love, quoted sad song lyrics as Facebook updates, stays in more nights than she goes out. So much of me wants to shake her by the shoulders and make her realize that this is NOT the end of her world, and that things will eventually be okay- if not better. But, I have realized that would be very hypocritical of me. There was a time in my not so distant past that I felt like my life would be over without a particular someone in it. Basically, I've been there. We have ALL been there.

Another person I met recently I know only as "Hobo Fucci" (pronounced "foochee"). Last year, his wife cheated on him and left him, and they are currently in a custody battle over their dog [ for the record, Hobo Fucci TOTALLY deserves the damn thing. He cooks her a breakfast consisting of eggs, sausage, and toast every Sunday. I think anyone willing to get up early just for breakfast with a dog should have dog-custody]. Anyway, Hobo Fucci was the saddest guy I have ever met. His words were full of "Whatevers" and "she was a bitch," but his eyes betrayed him. It was very difficult to hold his gaze most of the time because you could almost feel his pain.
Then, there's my story. After being with one guy for seven years, I immediately immersed myself in the life of someone else. I dealt with my pain and shame by essentially ignoring it and creating another mess. I became friends with his friends, picked out his furniture, and boy, did I fall hard. Only fools rush in, right? Now things with this guy are sort of messy at best, and at worst they're really awkward. Instead of dealing with my shit, I created more shit, and pretty soon there was a shit storm. Most days, I feel really embarrassed about the way I acted with him, and made drama where there needn't be any.

So, why do we do these things to ourselves? Whether it is jumping from relationship to relationship, lying to complete strangers about your readiness to move on, or pouring your broken heart out in front of hundreds of your "closest" Facebook friends, what makes us so insane? What makes us so inconsolable? And why do we all need to go through our own stuff to realize our own foolishness?

CS Lewis said,
"To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken."

So, unless you love nothing and no one, you will certainly have pain in this life.

I sat here for ten minutes trying to think of an eloquent way to put my feelings on this subject into words, and the only think I can think of to say is that it sucks. The one human experience that we all share is the thing that was surely break up.

Unfortunately, though, there is no formula for avoiding heartache. I wish I could look people in the eye and say, "Do this. Drink this, and do a somersault, and you will avoid all emotional baggage." But life is rarely that simple. Every person has and needs to figure things out on their own. If I needed to feed my dog home cooked meals on a regular basis to feel better about my life falling apart, I would do that. If I needed to tweet about my tears to get over them, you better believe that's what I would be doing. But those things just don't feel right to me. What heals me and what heals you will always look a little different- that's what makes things so beautiful.

So, I may not know a sure fire way that works for everyone's brokenness. There is no x + y= z way out of things. What I can do, though, is get myself right so that I can be close enough to others to know what THEY need. I guess that's the whole point anyway, right? You WILL get hurt if you are a human being. You WILL cause hurt if you are a human being. We just all need to learn to deal.