Weird, Nervous me.

I went to a show alone. While driving there, I got lost- and I have been to this venue 20+ times. I parked a few blocks away even though the parking lot was empty, and it took me 10 minutes to get out of the car. I don't understand, really, why I as so nervous. Going to a show all by my lonesome was on my "2011 list of goals," so why was it so difficult? This (of course) got me to thinking...
I guess it's because I put myself out there. It wasn't the music or the place. It was the lingering feeling that I could somehow be rejected. Maybe people would talk about me like I was a weirdo:
"Why is that girl alone? Gosh, she must not have any friends. Who does that??"
The funny thing, is, though, that didn't happen. I had a good time, and the band was decent enough to see again. If I felt awkward, it was only my own insecurities that made me so. I think, also, that maybe everyone should try to do something that scares them (side note: I am aware that phrase may be used for a cheesy bumper sticker, but it's all I could think of). If you live your life only doing things that are comfortable, then your life can be boring. And who really wants that?
So my minuscule "adventure" taught me this: I enjoy taking risks. So, I will be more direct. If I want to do something, say something, wear something, damn it, I am going to. I will do things that scare me if it is something I genuinely want to experience.

So...what scares me? Sharks, for one. But I don't live near the ocean, so sharks are not really a big deal for me right now. Other than sharks (they have sharp teeth, superior senses, and can swim WAY faster than us, by the way), I suppose the thing that scares me the most is being alone. I am a very emotional person, and sometimes I feel like I don't experience things unless I share them with someone. Almost like it's not real or didn't happen if I can't be like, "Hey, remember when we ______? That was ______." The problem is, though, I don't want to NEED other people to experience things.
I also don't want to isolate myself just for the sake of being alone, because that seems a little to reactionary and dangerous. What I will do, though, is do things even if I have to do them alone. I need to be okay with being by myself from time to time, and hopefully the times I spend with others will be even sweeter.

My friend Athena said the other night (Valentine's Day), that she was completely okay with being single. I tried to agree and say that I was too, but I guess it's going to take some time. Athena inspires me!